A Reflection: The First Years

They say that the first years of marriage are the hardest. According to Ted Huston, Ph.D., of the University of Texas at Austin, a decline in love, affection, and responsiveness and an increase in ambivalence within the first two years of marriage can predict divorce after 13 years.

Why am I telling you this?

With January comes the inevitable self-reflection on this past year and a tallying of all the pros and cons. Considering that our anniversary transpires in the first month of the year, it is impossible for me not to scrutinize my personal successes and failures under the beam of our marriage. Whether I like it or not, my personal successes have an impact on our little family- whether directly or indirectly.

We married young and with it came words of wisdom and a little trepidation. No one can see the future, us least of all, and we both worried about what the future would hold.

The odds don’t seem weighted in anyone’s favor. Statistics only end up telling you that being young, being religious, being college graduates, coming from big families, and eloping gives you a 50% chance of success- just like everyone else. So you ride it out like everyone else, and this is what I have so far.

The first year was challenging. My husband lost his job, I was in and out of doctors’ offices for a diagnosis that is still forthcoming, one of our cars broke down, and we both worked multiple odd jobs to pay the bills.

2023 may have been better, but it still had its stressors. We went down to being a single-vehicle household, I had three invasive procedures, and we bought a house together during the insane holiday season.

I don’t think being married made any of that any harder. Life is insanely stressful and whether I am married or not will not make it any less stressful.

In Collete’s short novella, Gigi, Gigi tells Gaston, “I would rather be miserable with you than without you.” I told my husband years ago that while this sounds morose, it is the honest-to-God truth.

Since we first started dating, we’ve had a fair share of challenges. From abuse, bedbugs, unemployment, a global pandemic, deaths, funerals, moving (SO MANY TIMES), all the way to graduating and getting engaged it, has been a wild ride. I know that one of these things could make or break a relationship, but we made it. Sure we fought and swore and cried along the way but we made it.

Even though I don’t want to go back to 2022 or 2017, I know that I wouldn’t be the person I am today without all the years behind me. I don’t have delusions that 2024 will be “my year” or that I have a perfect relationship (I don’t- I just yelled at him for getting angry with the dishwasher) I know it will be another opportunity to grow and develop. I don’t think perfection is real, but I do know that growth is.

Today I yelled at Al, but tomorrow I’ll try to be better. I know that there will be some stressful things in 2024, but I’m grateful for the opportunity to be “miserable” with someone who I know loves me and will walk beside me through the good and the bad.

2023 was a good year, but I thought that about all the years previous. I guess I’ll hold on to that hope that when they say “the best is yet to come” they are telling me the truth.

Author Interview: Adam Susskind

Have you ever wondered how our universe came into being? Do you wonder if we humans are just an accident of nature or if we have a purpose for our existence? If so, you aren’t the only one.

For author, Adam Susskind, it all began with a bang- the Big Bang.

Science has developed numerous theories for human existence and the creation of the universe but doesn’t seem to come to a conclusive answer for existence. In fact, many of these theories leave us with more questions than answers. Adam Susskind’s new book, A Chorus of Big Bangs: The Atheist’s Conundrum, questions how the fine-tuning of the universe came to be and introduces the notion that atheism may be a form of religion.

As a book that purports the existence of a Creator, it is not heavy-handed, nor does it claim any the validity of any specific cosmic deity. Susskind meticulously breaks down scientific theories to help empower readers to make informed decisions about our cosmic origins and our place in the grand tapestry of existence.

But before you embark on a captivating journey through the cosmic mysteries, you can learn more about the author, Adam Susskind.

Tell me a little about yourself. Do you have a scientific background?

I don’t have a scientific background at all, and in fact did terribly at physics and the sciences in school. I have a regular day job that requires soft skills rather than anything technical.

However, I have always been fascinated by the cosmos and the deeper questions of who we are and where do we come from. I watched a lot of documentaries on the subject and gathered a lot of information from as many sources as possible to get a balanced view to write this book.  

Let’s talk about “A Chorus of Big Bangs”. What inspired you to write this book?

I had a religious upbringing, but I am open-minded and do not believe in blind faith.

I have always searched for answers about why certain guidance is given in certain religions. Rather than just accept religious dogma I have always tried to understand the principles behind religious edicts and have found that they do make sense. For example, in Islam, it is forbidden to drink alcohol. If you look at how much benefit alcohol provides against how much harm it causes societies, it is clear the world would be much better off without alcohol.

Unfortunately, religion is much misunderstood and misused. But if religion, and I mean any religion, was followed as it was meant, then the world would be a better place.

This book feels like a blend of both apologetics and science. Were you writing for an audience that is looking to defend their Creationist beliefs so that they can support their position with empirical evidence, or for Atheists looking for answers?

The book is not meant to defend Christianity or any other religion for that matter. And I have deliberately concentrated on the science in the book and not religion.  Nor is it specifically aimed at Atheists looking for answers. The book does not go into religion at all. 

The book is aimed more at what I believe is the hypocrisy of the scientific community. Most scientists are atheists and rely on the Standard Model of Cosmology to explain the creation of the universe and our place in it. As the book illustrates, the Standard Model also has holes that are as big as any religious text. These holes have been discovered by scientists themselves but still, they refuse to accept that at least there is a possibility that the universe was created.

Science does not have all the answers. In fact, scientific discoveries made in the last 100 years indicate that there is at least a possibility that the universe was created.

As a byproduct, I want ordinary readers, religious and non-religious alike, to get a comprehensive understanding of how science sees creation and the gaps in that thinking process. I hope that it gives them food for thought and they carry out research after reading the book and come to their own conclusions.

Why do you feel like a book like “A Chorus of Big Bangs” needs to be on the market?

The hypothesis of the book is to say that atheism is itself a form of religion and its adherents are free to practice it. But they should be aware it is a religion.

The laws of nature are so precise that they could not possibly have come about by chance.  Scientists have come up with a theory to explain that precision. However, the theory cannot be tested or proven and relies completely on faith. As such atheism is faith-based and should be considered a religion.

Despite how it may seem, I hold scientists in extremely high regard. They are seekers of knowledge and truth. Each discovery builds on previous discoveries. I think it was Newton who said, “If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” It’s just that on this subject scientists seem to have a blind spot.

Do you have any plans for any future publications?

If the current book does well, I have an idea to write a similar book on the possibility of the existence of intelligent extra-terrestrial life. First contact and what that would be like, and how it would change us, is another subject that fascinates me.

“If We Just Make Room”

“Divine Word bestowed,

In the Virgins womb,

She comes down the road

If you just make room!”

St. John of the Cross, Christmas Refrain

Photo by Craig Adderley on Pexels.com

I love that moment of accomplishment during the holiday season when I stand back (sometimes literally) and survey everything that I have accomplished. Whether it was wrapping gifts, putting up decorations, or sending the last of Christmas greetings. There is a moment of stillness and peace before I start to bustle about again. The moment is lost in a series of anxious preparations.

That is what the Christmas season essentially is, a time of preparation. We run hither and tither buying this, writing that, inviting friends and family, making food, planning, and more. But do we pause to wonder: What are preparing for?

What is Christmas?

We have all heard that December is a time of giving and making merry. The “Grinch” in me sees the obvious agenda of commercialism that many organizations promote throughout the season. Their message of giving is not necessarily a message of charity, but a prompt to spend more on material items.

There is also the diluted nativity story of well-meaning Christians that foretells peace and love for all mankind but initially is practiced only during December. Their intentions are pure, but their view of Christmas is shallow, only grasping at the profundity of the mystery. Christmas is seen as a period of fun where so many emotions and physical actions are compacted to ‘fill’ the holiday season.

But the reality is that Christmas is not a time for filling our lives but emptying them.

Empty Ourselves this Season

The Catholic Church teaches us that Advent is not so unlike Lent. It ought to be a period of prayer, reflection, and penance in which we rid ourselves of sin and superficiality. The preparations, the decorations, and gifts can be a distraction, focusing our attention on the embellishments, and shifting our gaze from the focal point that is Christ Himself.

However, as much as these gifts can be distracting, they can also be channels for a deeper understanding of the season. Even the wise men brought gifts for the Child out of their pure devotion to Him. These gifts were profound, as they foreshadowed Jesus’ future role as Messiah, priest, and king.

Christmas should be a season where inner reflection transforms into beautiful external actions that are oriented toward others. It should be about making ourselves the best versions of ourselves and radiating that goodness out into the world.

While the preparations should bring us joy and a sense of wonderment, that is not the primary goal of the season. If we are not focused on the miracle that is the Nativity then the rest of our actions are completely superfluous.

The Reason for The Season

The greatest gift is the child who laid in the manger, and who lies, not merely symbolically, in the tabernacle in similar poses to that same scene in Bethlehem. He is love. Love is the greatest power in the world, the source and summit of human expression, the driving force of nations, the bond of families, and the purest form of God.

As the stray ribbons are tucked away, and missing presents returned to their proper places there lies only the crèche, somehow the center of the methodical madness of the season. Amid the confrontation and the distortion He remains, the little newborn babe, wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. The Christ-child brings together the discordance, the conflicting views, and the motion around Him. Even when the crèche is tucked away, hidden from our sight, His presence still remains.

The quote from Alastair Sim’s 1951 version of A Christmas Carol expresses the message most clearly, “Christmas does not live in our hearts one day of the year, but all three hundred and sixty-five”.  The presence of the living Lord and His love is not limited to Christmas day, but He is very much alive every day of the year, hidden in the Eucharist.

The Christmas presents, sense of love, and community are only reflections of the greatest gift of all, love and union itself, mirrors of something bigger than all of us. While they in themselves are good, they fade away with time. The graces and love of the Child and the Child himself, the greatest gift, are ours for all eternity, “If we only make room!”