Milwaukee Day

Milwaukee has been a “good land” for hundreds of years before any white settlers came to the area. Dr. Margaret Noodin, director of the Electa Quinney Institute for American Indian Education at UW-Milwaukee, and a speaker of Anishinaabemowin believes the word is of Anishinaabe origin: “Mino-akking,” which translates to “Good Land.”

No matter how you want to translate it, Milwaukee remains a place where the land and the people are good.

If you know anything about me, you know I am passionate about Milwaukee. Every year when April 14 rolls around, I pull out all the stops and wholeheartedly celebrate Milwaukee Day. Last year I tried my first old-fashioned (don’t come at me Wisconsinites! I’m just not a big fan of alcohol) and went to the Harley Davidson museum.

While I understand that Milwaukee isn’t the first major city you think of when you consider the Midwest (or major metropolitan cities in the United States), but I think that it only adds to the overall charm that this city has to offer.

City on Water

When in Milwaukee, you are never far away from water.

The city is located at the confluence of three rivers – the Milwaukee, Menomonee, and Kinnickinnic – which provided natural boundaries for the original three founders of Milwaukee. To the east of the city is Lake Michigan, which means that on an average day in the city, you can hear the gulls cawing overhead and a cool breeze will be blowing from the lake.

Even though there are stunning buildings throughout the city, it’s the natural setting that really makes it stand apart. This is no less apparent than in the over 150 state and county parks and about 1,400 acres of beaches throughout Milwaukee. Even in the heart of downtown, you are never far from nature. It is no secret that Milwaukee is built on a swamp, but somehow it never feels that way whether you are along the lake or in one of the suburbs.

Take a Stroll

Of course, Milwaukee has to offer its share of bars, museums, parks, sports complexes, and the arts, but my personal favorite part of the city is the RiverWalk.

The city’s RiverWalk spans over 3 miles along the Milwaukee River. While each RiverWalk segment has a distinct personality, they are unified by art – in the form of permanent and changing exhibitions. This outdoor gallery adds to the natural beauty and ambiance to be experienced along the way.

You can get everything along the RiverWalk. If you want to eat, shop, kayak, watch a performance, or just relax, you can along the river.

Imperfect Perfection

Milwaukee is an underappreciated city with a proud history. If you catch me on a good day I will generally praise Milwaukee but on Milwaukee day, 4/14, you may find that I am just a little more biased.

If you want to hear more of my Milwaukee laudations, you can check out some of my earlier posts:

• Little Known Milwaukee
• 414 is a Wonderful Number

I know this is terse, but hey, Milwaukee Day isn’t going to celebrate itself. 😂

Breaking the Silence: Navigating the PCOS-Miscarriage Connection

Note: I will be covering the symptoms and effects of polycystic ovary syndrome. If you are uncomfortable discussing topics of menstruation, reproductive organs, miscarriage, and medical symptoms, please exercise your discretion.

Did you know that although Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) is known as a common cause of infertility, it can also increase the risk of miscarriage?

Women with PCOS are more likely to have a miscarriage. The average woman’s risk of miscarriage during the first trimester is 10-15% while women with PCOS are more likely to miscarry with a 30-50% risk. This means that women with PCOS are three times more likely to miscarry than women without PCOS.

When you are diagnosed with PCOS no one prepares you for this reality. If you are lucky enough to get pregnant there is at least a 30% chance that you’ll miscarry before the first trimester. Personally, that doesn’t sound like great odds especially considering that you are already battling fertility odds.

What are those odds you ask? Well, let me tell you. While a completely healthy young couple has a 25% chance of getting pregnant during a single cycle, takes on average 2.5 years longer to get pregnant with PCOS.

I feel this statistic deeply in my soul. As someone who has been married a little over the two-year mark, we have only had one successful pregnancy, and that pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage.

Why Does it Happen?

There are several different factors related to PCOS which can increase your miscarriage rate. These include:

• High levels of androgens or male hormones (Hyperandrogenism)
• Elevated LH levels
• Insulin resistance with elevated Insulin levels
• Endometrial Dysfunction with failure to implant
• High plasminogen activator inhibitor-1(PAI-1) activity
• Infertility treatments
• Genetic abnormalities

Why does this happen to begin with? Women with PCOS may experience difficulties getting or maintaining a pregnancy due to their menstruation cycle (monthly period). Many symptoms if PCOS include:

• too few menstrual periods
• having your period for longer than usual
• not getting your period
• very heavy periods
• higher levels of male hormones like testosterone
• acne breakouts
• getting facial hair and extra hair in other places
• small cysts or bundles of fluid in the ovaries
• fewer eggs released from the ovaries

While PCOS isn’t life-threatening, there is no cure for it.

No One Prepares You

While I knew about the fertility struggles, I was not prepared to miscarry our baby in March of 2022.

Not only was the process of discovering the pregnancy to miscarriage whiplash quick, but it was an extremely painful process. I had been experiencing excruciating pelvic pain continually for about three weeks. I had lower back pain similar to when I had kidney stones, accompanied by exhaustion and some nausea. Regular pain pills didn’t alleviate the pain, and it woke me up at night. Also, no one talks about the blood loss.

The emotional and physical pain is terrible and certainly not something you are prepared for in your early twenties. The experience makes you scared. Will I conceive again? Will I miscarry again? Was my first baby a boy or a girl? Did I do something wrong?

It sounds stupid, but I think about that baby often. He or she would have been two now and I wonder what they would have been like. I have other family and friends who have had similar experiences to commiserate with. While their mutual loss takes away some of the guilt, the loss still remains.

Resources and Help

If you have PCOS your body might make more of both the male hormone testosterone and the female hormone estrogen. Your doctor might recommend prescription medications to help balance your hormones which may include:

• metformin to balance insulin levels
• clomiphene citrate (or Clomid) to help balance estrogen levels
• birth control pills to balance estrogen and testosterone levels (before beginning fertility treatment)
• fertility medications to jump-start the ovaries to send out more eggs

While the process of determining your fertility is a struggle, it is possible to have a baby with PCOS. There may be some struggle, heartache, and a lot of frustration, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.

You can find support and answers to your questions through many credible sources:

• National PCOS Challenge
• Cysters
• PCOS Awareness Association
• My PCOS Team
• PCOS Support Group
• Pregnancy Loss Support Group

Another Homeland

Growing up, my grandmother and grandfather painted vibrant portraits of the “old country” before they emigrated to the United States. We watched documentaries with them that showcased the extensive history of Germany and poured hours over old pictures. We received cards from the family that remained in Germany. I always felt a tug of longing for the homeland of my grandparents and great-grandparents and a sense of belonging to this family across the sea.

However, I had my mementos and tastes of the ‘homeland.’ My grandparents spoke German to one another and passed down their proud cultural heritage to their children and grandchildren. Events like Germanfest and Oktoberfest weren’t excuses to drink or party but the opportunity to lecture us on our heritage.

My sister has lived through that longing and displacement for the past decade.

When my sister Josie was seventeen, we adopted her and her youngest brother from an orphanage in the Philippines. Josie’s father had just died, and her mother could no longer support all nine of her children. Some of my sister’s siblings went to uncles and aunts, but Josie and her youngest brother were placed in an orphanage. While our brother has hazy memories of the country he left behind, there is always a part of my sister that calls the Philippines home.

While I am grateful every day we adopted them, I have always felt a knowledge gap.

Josie has been a pivotal part of my life and my family tree but I barely know anything about where she is from. Sure, I have attended seminars, watched documentaries, and eaten food she has prepared, but I have always held the Philippines at arm’s distance. The Philippines is a place that I know about, but I have no real attachment or understanding of what the culture is. I only get snapshots from my sister’s bittersweet past without fully experiencing it.

I would love to travel to the Philippines with my sister. I would love the culture shock of a lifetime. 

I know we would brave the insane roadways by Jeepney to Bulacan. Her biological family and much of her extended family still live in the region. I would love to embrace my sister’s mother, all her brothers and sisters, and get to know the family that gave me my sister. Even though it was the hardest decision of their lives to give her up, they knew that it was best for her. I can’t wait for them to see the resilience that shines through Josie.

We’ve talked about the eventuality of not seeing her family. Even if we can’t find her family, we can still visit the graves of her father and grandparents. She can show me the house she grew up in and the school she walked to daily with her siblings. If she feels up to it, she may even show me the orphanage where she lived alone with her brother.

I know there are places she’s never been before simply because her family could not afford it or it was simply too far away.

The Philippines is known for its voluptuous hills, numerous volcanoes, sandy beaches, underground rivers, and rich biodiversity. The whole country is a panorama of natural beauty. Although we’ve talked about visiting some of the more touristy destinations, Josie would have full reign over our travel plans. You can see the excitement in her eyes as she recalls stories from the past or memories of places she once dreamed of seeing. When I look at the places she considers visiting, I know that I can hardly go wrong with her as a travel guide.

For the first time in a decade, my sister can eat real Filipino food and not the mock meals that I, family, or friends have attempted to make through the years. There are dishes I know my sister is dying to eat again. If she is reunited with her family, she’ll finally have a real meal with her family again.

Even though the Philippines is not my cultural homeland, it is for my sister. If I can’t fully appreciate and understand the country that she called home for the first 17 years of her life, then I don’t truly know my family history. That is the beauty of it all, is that this is not someplace that my sister holds for herself. Her homeland is vibrant, alive, and ready to be shared.

Author Michael Crichton once wrote, “If you don’t know history, you don’t know anything. You are a leaf that doesn’t know it is part of a tree.” 

Review: The Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn Series

The Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn series by Tad Williams holds significant influence in the realm of fantasy literature. First published in the late 1980s, this epic fantasy saga remains a cornerstone for lovers of intricate world-building, compelling characters, and rich storytelling.

I’ve been in a little bit of a reading slump and was craving something reminiscent of the Song of Ice and Fire. You know the desire: strong word-building, life-like characterizations, complex political intrigue, and twists that leave your head spinning. A Google search for, “series like Game of Thrones” pulled up The Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn series which I admit, I had never heard of before and I am not sure why.

George R. R. Martin was a fan of Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn and cited Williams’ work as a key influence for his own epic novel series, A Song of Ice and Fire. Another famous author, Christopher Paolini, writer of The Inheritance Cycle, also cited Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn as an influence, calling it, “one of the great fantasy epics of all time.”

Lore Prologue

Tad Williams was once a disenchanted fantasy reader. At 11, his mind was blown by The Lord of the Rings trilogy and he spent years devouring all the fantasy books he could find. “I was looking for originality and what I was getting was warmed-over rehashes of Tolkien. Eventually, it occurred to me: I can do better than this,” he said.

“Better than this” would be the Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn series, a captivating epic that unfolds across a richly detailed and immersive fantasy world known as Osten Ard. The series consists of three main books: The Dragonbone Chair, Stone of Farewell, and To Green Angel Tower.

The Plot

The story begins with a seemingly ordinary kitchen boy named Simon, whose life takes an unexpected turn when he stumbles upon a dark conspiracy that threatens the entire kingdom of Osten Ard. It is such a slow beginning for the first half of The Dragonbone Chair, but as political tensions escalate, ancient prophecies come to light, the story begins to build an ominous tension. The careful slow building of the first 500 pages culminates in the foretelling of a great conflict between the forces of light and darkness.

Central to the narrative is the struggle for power over the legendary Dragonbone Chair, a seat of immense magical significance. Simon finds himself thrust into a world of court intrigue, mythical beings, and ancient secrets as he becomes entangled in the fate of Osten Ard.

Along the way, Simon encounters a diverse cast of characters, each with their own motivations and roles in the unfolding drama. You have elf-like creatures, trolls, giants, wizards, and men who all must put aside their differences to unite under one banner. All must choose to unite under King Elias or his brother, Prince Josua and the choice could literally mean life or death.

The series weaves together themes of heroism, sacrifice, and the consequences of wielding great power. As Simon navigates this perilous journey, he undergoes profound personal growth, transforming from a humble kitchen boy into a key player in the battle against a malevolent force threatening the very fabric of the world.

When I say that each book gets more and more intense I mean it. Take J. R. R. Tolkien, add George R. R. Martin, subtract the profanity and lewdness of Game of Thrones and you have The Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn series. It literally is the perfect fantasy baby.

Epic Scale Narrative

Tad Williams’ meticulous attention to world-building in Osten Ard set a standard for the genre. Williams incorporates intricate details of cultures, histories, and magical systems, investing deeply in crafting immersive and expansive fictional worlds.

If the sheer scale of the world-building is not already impressive Tad Williams demonstrated the feasibility and success of a long-form, multi-book story, embracing the opportunity to explore complex plots and diverse character arcs over several volumes. With an epic scale and carefully paced storytelling, the series offers a satisfying blend of grand-scale conflicts, political intrigue, and intimate character moments. The narrative unfolds across multiple volumes, allowing for a deep exploration of the plot and characters.

The Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn series is renowned for its well-rounded and evolving characters. The depth of character development, especially the protagonist Simon’s transformative journey is the real gold standard. Williams created multidimensional characters with relatable flaws and growth arcs while focusing on strong character-driven storytelling.

Subversion of Tropes:

Tad Williams challenges traditional fantasy tropes, offering a narrative that subverts expectations and introduces moral ambiguity. This adds depth and complexity to the storytelling, making it a refreshing and thought-provoking read. The series delves into profound themes, including the impact of power, the responsibilities of leadership, and the consequences of choices made in the pursuit of both good and evil.

Williams also somehow manages to walk a thin tightrope by simultaneously focusing on Simon’s coming-of-age story.

In essence, The Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn series provides a compelling and immersive fantasy experience that combines rich world-building, complex characters, and a thought-provoking narrative. For those seeking an epic journey filled with magic, intrigue, and timeless themes, this series is a must-read that continues to captivate readers across generations.

Fruitful Womb

We are only a few short weeks away from the birth of my first niece. To say that I am ecstatic is an understatement. Bringing a child into the world is often considered one of life’s greatest joys, a moment filled with anticipation, excitement, and boundless love. All of this is palpable as our whole family prepares for this moment.

However, I do hold a small amount of bitterness in my heart.

In December, I was encouraged by my doctor to NOT try for children right now. I am at high risk for ectopic pregnancy and if I were to conceive, there would be a good chance I would miscarry again (at best) and possibly even lose my ovaries (at worst). As a consequence of this, my husband and I have put kids on the back burner for at least the foreseeable future.

It feels like this is all my fault. My surgery in April showed that I didn’t have endometriosis but my PCOS symptoms aren’t abating either. I started a new round of medication but doctors are still at a loss to determine what is wrong with me.

I know of seven others who are also expecting children at this time and I hold just a small amount of jealousy toward them. I want them to have happy and healthy babies, but there is a large part of me that wants the same.

Riding The Rollercoaster

The emotional rollercoaster is profound and multifaceted. There is initial shock and disbelief that give way to feelings of sadness and guilt. Each negative pregnancy test until this point seems like a personal failure on my part. All this is compounded by feelings of shame and inadequacy. If only I had done something differently…

I have been trying to embrace this inadequacy.

I LOVE my life as it currently is. As new homeowners, we are slowly building a sense of community and “oneness” in this new environment. 2022 and 2023 were years of HUGE personal development and growth that I hope to continue into 2024. My happy days now far outweigh my sad ones. I think I am beginning to like myself.

While I can embrace this period of waiting, one of the most challenging aspects is the profound sense of uncertainty it brings. We are forced to grapple with questions about our future and our dreams of starting a family, unsure of whether or when our efforts will pay off. Sure, we can wait another year or two, but what about after that? What about five years from now?

But we can’t live for tomorrow when we are only given today.

Resting in Hope

I know that there is always hope and I have been leaning on Isaiah 45:

“Shout for joy, infertile one, you who have not given birth to any child;
Break forth into joyful shouting and cry aloud, you who have not been in labor;
For the sons of the desolate one will be more numerous
Than the sons of the married woman,” says the Lord.

I know that if there is any hope for me, it will be by God’s will and in His time. Now is not the time for us, and that is okay. My husband and I are young and this is a rare and beautiful opportunity to be present only to each other. This is the time for us before we begin to question what the future has in store.

There is so much joy in today. While we may not be able to have children now (or perhaps ever), there is so much in this life that is worth cherishing. I may feel a little jealous of my sister and my friends, but the reality is that I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s.

My niece is going to be born in a few short weeks, and some of my best friends will become mothers in the summer. It is a sweet time of celebration and hope and I know that no matter what my future has in store, I don’t begrudge anyone their moments of joy.

I just hope they let me babysit.

Review: Song at the Scaffold

As we approach Lent, one book I find myself turning to is Gertrude von le Fort’s Song at the Scaffold. The 1931 novella about the sixteen Carmelite nuns guillotined during the French Revolution has been turned into an opera that vividly demonstrates man’s capacity for both heroism and brutality.

You don’t have to be Catholic to read and appreciate the novella, but if you are Catholic, there is so much hidden depth and meaning found in its 100 pages. The story is a beautiful testament of finding courage in fear and embracing your weaknesses.

Blanche

“…The sad circumstances of her birth apparently determined her whole attitude towards life,” says Blanche’s father, the Marquis de la Force about his daughter.  From the beginning of her life, the main character Blanche de la Force was destined to be the embodiment of fear. Her name even serves as an ‘on the nose’ reminder that she is easily frightened.

Unnaturally timid, Blanche learned to cope with her great timidity by finding consolation in religion through the careful instructions of her governess, Madame de Chalias. However, as Blanche quickly realized, God and religion will not shelter her from her fear or refuge to save her from trials. Her own terror is reflected in society around her as the Reign of Terror reaches new bounds. Le petit Roi, the little king, becomes the focal point of Blanche’s life as her belief in Him is altered from her old childish beliefs and the circumstances around her.

Le Petite Roi

Misconceptions about the Infant King are the introduction to Blanche’s religious instruction. Madame de Chalias is assigned to Blanche as a governess during Blanche’s childhood when she is frightened by nearly everything. Naïve of all aspects of religion, Madame instructs Blanche forcefully, attempting to draw her out of her timidity. Madame’s philosophy consists of the concept “that the King of Heaven will never fail to protect you.”(22).

While the concept is not entirely erroneous, Blanche believes that the Christ Child will save her from all tribulation and remove any obstacles that prevent her from being perfectly happy. As a testament to this unfailing protection, the Christ child wears His crown “but if He lost His Crown” (22) this testament would cease to exist. When the banister to the stairs breaks under Blanche’s feet, Blanche’s confidence is shaken but Madame’s uncompromising personality enables Blanche’s faith to rebound. Blanche can “confide her little anxious heart to the shelter of the Supreme Power” (23) which empowers her to become a Discalced Carmelite. 

The circumstances around Blanche alter her confidence in the Child Jesus. After Blanche’s investiture as a postulant, the Carmelite community celebrates Christmas with their small statuette of the Infant King. The Revolutionaries had stripped him of all his kingly ornaments, including His scepter and crown. As Blanche takes the Infant Child in her arms she is greatly disturbed by the absence of his crown and the singing of the Carmagnole from outside the convent. In her distress, Blanche dropped the statuette, severing its head from its body, exclaiming “Oh, le petit Roi is dead… Now there is only the living Christ!” (56) Blanche comes to realize through this painful experience that Christ had permitted himself to be stripped of earthly grandeur and comfort.

Jesus in the Garden of Agony

In what I think is one of the most beautiful scenes in the book, Bishop Riguad proposes the nuns take the religious name “Jesus in the Garden of the Agony” for Blanche and other novices. Similarly, just as Christ suffered before his passion, the sisters must spend this time preparing for their own passion. Using her religious name, Blanche was able to gain valuable insight into her vocation.

Blanche realizes that since she finds her fear an insuperable barrier, she must accept and embrace fear as her vocation. Blanche learns to find “‘consolation in fear’, ‘shelter in fear’, ‘resignation in fear’… ‘loyal(ty) to fear’” (63). She allows herself to understand more deeply the sufferings of Christ in the Mount of Olives which changes her faith in the Child Jesus. Just as Christ suffered mortal agony in the Agony in the Garden but accepted the torture and the fear, Blanche must also accept the fear that God has placed in her life.

Blanche, as a result of her fear, is sent away from the convent. The heightened situation in France eventually condemns the remaining nuns at Compiegne to death; it is at this time that Madame Lidoine expresses the feelings of all those around her “Christ in Heaven, now do I understand Thy Mortal fear!”(91).

Courage at the End

Blanche is present at the time of the Carmelite’s execution. As each mounts the scaffold singing, they are silenced by the guillotine one by one. Blanche experiences a transformation at this time, “(she) was quite without fear! She was singing.”(102). Blanche achieves a type of martyrdom by being beaten to death by the army mob of revolutionaries. She is a martyr of blood, giving up her life for her beliefs and her religion.

Blanche can identify her own weakness and ultimately her fear is her greatest strength. Because she has fully abandoned herself to fear, she takes upon herself bravery in a new form. The words of Marie l’Incarnation serve as a summary, “Must fear and horror always be evil? Is it not possible that they may be deeper than courage…?” (32) 

Author Interview: LindaAnn LoSchiavo

There is an appropriate voluptuousness to LindaAnn LoSchiavo’s book Vampire Ventures: Poems. Many modern poetry books have an artful simplicity about them, but LoSchiavo abandons that convention to take on a Gothic and vaguely Victorian quality.

Usually, poets find a form that suits them best and stick with it, but LoSchiavo adopts an irregular cadence in this poetry collection. On one page you have a blank verse poem and on the next, a haiku. I consulted the description several times to confirm this wasn’t an anthology. LoSchiavo has a unique breadth and talent that I haven’t seen in many poetic anthologies.

There is an irregular cadence to the poems which may be off-putting. I think it is intentional to make the reader feel a sense of discomfort as you sit down to read each poem in quick succession. There is a poem to suit everyone’s tastes and if you love vampires, I think you have to give this book a try, but don’t just take my word for it!

I had the opportunity to talk to the mastermind behind this collection and some of her responses may pleasantly surprise you

How would you describe your poetry?

I’m a narrative poet and a formalist.  I favor “fixed forms” and this also encompasses blank verse (unrhymed iambic pentameter), Golden Shovels,  Centos, dramatic monologues, etc..   New Formalism is a late 20th- and early 21st-century movement in American poetry that has promoted a return to metrical, rhymed verse, and narrative poetry.

Let’s start with the idea of poetry as a practice. Is it something you feel you need to do regularly? What do you use to write it all down on? Your phone? A notebook?

I write every day.  I have so many ideas that I’m always working on something new, or there is something I am expanding/reworking like a poem that will become flash fiction, a play that will turn into a short story, etc, or I will revise an older piece. 

I write in long hand- sometimes in a notebook and sometimes on printouts of abandoned poems.

 This is the elephant in the room, but why a poetry book about vampires? There was hype around it several years ago, but what is the real reason you chose to write and publish this book?

During the pandemic, a fellow started Dracula Daily, which became an overnight sensation. Dracula Daily is an email newsletter that sends you the novel Dracula, in ‘real-time’, as it happens to the characters. It rapidly acquired over 200,000 subscribers and inspired worldwide news coverage.

Though I was not a subscriber, I did become aware of the enormous buzz surrounding “Dracula Daily.”  Since I had not thought about vampires for some time, a new curiosity rose from the dead.  On my own, I  reread Dracula along with all of the selections gathered in two hefty anthologies edited by Michael Sims and David Skal.

I thought, “What innovations could I bring to this well-worn genre,” and there were a few.

• One example: I took a Jane Austen-ish approach to Bram Stoker’s nobleman of means [‘It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife’.]
• Second example: opportunities that Bram Stoker overlooked such as Dracula writing a memoir, planning a Hallowe’en soiree, and more. 
• Third example: adding pop culture and technology to the vampire mythos.
• The fourth example was telling a vampire’s rite de passage backward.

Taking a closer look at vampire literature, it seemed there was room for a fresh approach. By free-associating about various things –– Wes Craven’s Freddy Krueger films, Tinder dating, The Playboy Club, Instagram influencers, house hunting, happy hour –– I asked myself, “What would a vampire do?”  Then I wrote the poems.

You’ve been actively writing poetry for several years. What’s different about sitting down to write a poem when you first started as opposed to now in 2024?

Well, the computer and the internet have helped all writers. Now we can access books we do not own by reading them online. Revisiting old poems is useful for my Golden Shovels and my Centos, two derivative forms that rely on somebody else’s poem(s).

When I won the Elgin Award for my full-length collection, A Route Obscure and Lonely, I was also running a critique group by SFPA poets, most of whom had numerous literary journal credits but no book credits at the time. It got me thinking about how to create more books and I came up with a method for producing no fewer than two new books a year.

Why do you feel an affinity to dark themes and think that they need to be published?

Death is an enduring subject. Whether it’s explored as eerie genre poetry Vampire Ventures, as a memoir in verse Cancer Courts My Mother, in my historical suicide WIP Past Tense: Poems and Portraits of Suicides, or in my collection of first-hand ghost encounters Dark and Airy Spirits, my impression has long been that that death, dying, and the afterlife are greatly misunderstood, suffocated by organized religion, and corrupted by Hollywood’s horror factory. My poetry aims to give death some breathing room.

My first graduate degree was in Medieval Literature. Chaucer, Froissart, the Pearl-Poet, William Langland, Giovanni Boccaccio, and Dante wrote poetry that I return to again and again.  

Vampire Ventures has a lot of unique poetry styles. Do you have a style that you love the best? Do you also have a poem that you love the most from this collection and/or that resonates the most with you?

There are four answers to your question; my favorites are narrative poems, the dramatic monologue, the Petrarchan sonnet, and the Golden Shovel. The vampire piece I love most is the trilogy told backward: “An Ideal Lost in Night-Mists.” Deliberately, each section is composed in a different style and each has different speakers – though I doubt any reader caught all the nuances.

Review: Counting the Cost

The Duggar family has always been a little problematic. I never watched the popular TLC show 19 Kids and Counting, but as a conservative homeschooled Catholic, you better believe that the Duggar name was tossed around with some regularity.

19 Kids and Counting is a TV show that focuses on the life of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, who are devout independent Baptists entrenched in the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) movement. The couple has 19 biological children: Joshua, Jana, John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer, Jordyn, and Josie.

The Duggar’s represented everything a conservative homeschooler aspired to be. They taught a message of purity, modesty, and faith in God. All the children were homeschooled and ironically had little access to entertainment such as movies and television. The family practiced chaperoned courtship, in which a couple becomes acquainted only in a group setting. All the older girls were like little mothers who lovingly cared for their younger siblings.

Of course, there was a darkness lingering under the facade of their ‘perfect’ happy family. If something looks too good to be true, it probably is.

The Duggar Controversy

To accurately review this book, you need to have some background. I won’t belabor the facts since this isn’t a post about the Duggars, but this is the stage where the story’s drama takes place. If you want more in-depth history, you can read this People article.

The eldest Duggar son, Josh, was convicted of child pornography possession and is currently serving time in prison. He has also been accused of molesting his sisters. Unfortunately, this is only scratching the surface.

None of the children were paid to appear on the show even though some of the adult children literally were married and gave birth on television.

However, the most traumatic are the teachings at the forefront of the family. IBLP may be a cult that advocates for child abuse. They teach an “umbrella of authority” which basically makes children servile to their parents. Even after they are married. Fathers are the infallible heads of the house, and the only way children have any power is if they repeat the cycle in their own homes. Basically, Dad says jump, and you’re supposed to respond, “I’m happy to do that for you, sir!”

This of course is only touching the the surface. Rebekah Drumsta is a survivor of the IBLP and details her heartbreaking experiences. And it’s a lot. Rebekah’s story isn’t as popular as the Duggar’s which is why I think her blog post I Am a Survivor of the Bill Gothard Homeschool Cult should be the real starting point for people to learn more. Her story is the reality for thousands who will never get get the limelight.

It is from this culture that Jill Dillard (nee Duggar) wrote her book, Counting the Cost.

What Was The Cost

“I’d never said no to my family before. It was this whole umbrella of authority thing that was ingrained in me.”

Jill Dillard

I have been in therapy for years grappling with my relationship with my family, but I never had my feelings so accurately mirrored than in Jill Duggar’s book.

I know she has received some criticism for not cutting off her family completely, but I don’t think any of these critics understand Jill’s situation. Her whole life she’s been taught to blindly obey her family. Angering or disappointing her parents is truly the worst thing that she could do. Additionally, she has to monitor how she dresses, behaves, thinks, and dreams to hopefully one day become the ideal Christian woman. You give yourself crippling anxiety for just existing.

The day you finally realize that you’re living in a self-contained hell, it’s not like a light switch goes off. It takes decades of rewiring your brain to realize how badly things are and how disordered your thinking was and maybe still is. They say the first step to fixing a problem is realizing you have a problem. I think Jill is a little beyond that stage but she has decades worth of work to go.

Her book is all about growing up and coming to this painful realization. Fortunately, she seems to have a supportive husband, Derrick, who is willing to work with her, go to therapy together (this is HUGE), and stand up for their family. It’s not a book about complete healing and it is purposefully vague at times, but I think that is what makes it so believable. You can see that this is a woman who is struggling with her upbringing and making progress to undo decades worth of trauma.

I’m not a survivor of IBLP, but boy, does some of this stuff resonate with me…

Jill is the first person I have read discussing the delicate dance of maintaining relationships with siblings and loving your parents without trusting them.

Even though your parents treat you like shit, you can’t help but remember everything they have done for you. In their own way, they are victims of their own disordered thinking. Unfortunately, they will never get help. You still love them because you know in their own warped way they love you too, but you can never trust them. But you also can’t cut them off completely because they are the link to your siblings, especially if you have siblings who are minors.

It feels like a warzone. You can’t leave anyone behind but going back into that situation is like running through a minefield. So you stay like a helicopter hovering in the fringes hoping to bail the next survivor out. The whole time you just pray to God that your siblings are safe and happy because that is all you want.

I think Jill summed it up so well:

“We understand that no family is perfect and that you can recognize the beauty in your story while still acknowledging the difficult parts and even setting boundaries. That shouldn’t make you unloving. It’s like roses and thorns, the two can coexist, and I do love my family.”

This book made me cry for all the right reasons. No, it isn’t the most well-written book. No, I don’t agree with everything that Jill and Derrick say. But it is finally a mirror where I can see the disorder of my own family reflected back at me. I don’t think Jill is a horrible person, and I pray to God that I am not either.

We are all survivors.

Review: Plan A

Trigger Warning: This blog post talks about sexual assault and abortion. Reader discretion is strongly advised.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), teen abortion is a lot more common than teen motherhood, with 55% of pregnancies among girls aged 15–19 years ending in abortions. There’s a big stigma around abortion, whether you’re a teenager, adult woman, or sexual assault victim from a Red or Blue state.

January is Sanctity of Human Life Month and as a conservative, pro-life Christian, I knew it was important to make the choice to read Plan A by Deb Caletti. Plan A is all about a sixteen-year-old Ivy’s road trip across the country to get an abortion after conceiving a baby out of rape. 

I wish to caveat that I’m not someone who will actively promote abortion, but I understand that it is a very personal decision that some women have to make for themselves. While I am steadfast in my pro-life beliefs, I have always been taught that it is important to get both sides of the story before passing judgment.

Abortion is a very sensitive topic and no one is obligated to share their story. Plan A seemed like the perfect neutral middle-ground for understanding that perspective. Ivy is fictional so whatever opinions I have don’t have any negative emotional impact on a real person, but I can gain insight into the rather hidden story of teenage abortion.

Understanding Ivy

Ivy is a normal, well-spoken, and intelligent sixteen-year-old who has overwhelming decisions to make. She’s just a regular small-town Texas girl with modest dreams of going to college. Her West Coast mother, Ivy has more liberal views than the rest of her family and Ivy’s boyfriend is a California transplant. Neither of them quite fit into the Texas culture which is good when Ivy discovers she is pregnant, and not by her boyfriend.

When the town finds out that Ivy is pregnant, they turn on Ivy and her family.

For Ivy, the decision to have an abortion is a no-brainer. While I know that this may feel jarring for some, I feel like this is a realistic portrayal. Too often the decision to have an abortion is portrayed as an agonizing decision, when oftentimes it is viewed as the sensible thing to do.

While Ivy cannot have her abortion in Texas, she is fortunate to have family in Oregon who are supportive and willing to help her out. Her boyfriend Lorenzo goes with her on a fun-filled road trip which will culminate in her procedure. Along the way, Ivy encounters numerous people who have also experienced an abortion and share with her the fears, the trauma, and the relief that they experienced. It is not an empty adventure and does have its moments of tension and displacement. Ivy may only be sixteen, but she is thrown into a world that is both sympathetic and very harsh.

Encountering the Ivy’s Of the World

While I wish Ivy would have kept her baby, I understand why she couldn’t. Even though this is a work of fiction, it is based on reality. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a world where women or young girls are supported for conceiving outside of marriage. Even though people talk a good talk about being pro-life, there is overwhelming shame and stigmatism if you don’t have children the “right way”.

I don’t think Ivy’s decision to have an abortion is what is the most shocking or unrealistic aspect of the story, but rather that she came out from this experience unscathed. Ivy has a loving and supportive family but the reality is that not everyone has the same support system.

I know one individual from a conservative Christian family who was sexually assaulted. Once she told her parents about the assault she was absolutely reamed for being so careless and did not offer any support to her even though she went through this traumatic experience. They buried it and told her not to tell anyone. Although I am still pro-life, if this individual had conceived and sought an abortion I would not have judged her. She was already living in a hostile environment and bringing a child into that world would have been detrimental to her well-being as well as that of the child.

It should be a no-brainer in the 21st century that victims of rape are not “asking for it” but that is not the case. Regardless of their sexual encounters, we don’t live in a world where the Ivy’s of the world can feel safe and supported. If they abort their children they are “murders” and if they bring these children into the world they are “sluts”.

Living Pro-Life

Our pastor gave a beautiful homily about the sanctity of life. He said that although we are compelled as Christians to be pro-life we must recognize that we don’t live in a world that supports it. People are raped, impoverished families are unable to care for another child, and single mothers simply cannot raise a child on their own. Instead of preaching about the evils of abortion, we should take on a spirit of charity and create a world where abortion isn’t the only resource available for women in these situations. I couldn’t agree with this perspective more.

Marisol Maldonado Rodriguez recently published Beyond Her Yes: Reimagining Pro-Life Ministry to Empower Women and Support Families in Overcoming Poverty. This book illustrates that the simple “yes” to keep a child goes so much deeper than abortion. Marisol shows how we should be taking steps to end the cycle of poverty, abuse, and setbacks that cause a pregnancy to not only be terrifying but can perpetuate negative cycles for generations.

While Beyond Her Yes does not answer every question or address every issue, it is the first time I have seen someone take a deeper look into the real issue behind abortion which is the complex social, psychological, physical, and socioeconomic status of the mother. If you are pro-life, I 100% recommend reading this book.

The “Pro-life Issue” is so much more complex than a simple decision to keep or terminate a pregnancy. I think Plan A is a great and digestible way for people to grapple with the perspective of someone not in an ideal situation to keep a baby. It takes a very humanistic approach to a very serious topic. I don’t think this book advocates for abortion but expresses the reality of thousands of women who have been in Ivy’s shoes.

Author Interview: Michael Geczi

Take an ordinary book about middle-aged strife, add a week where everything seems to go wrong, and then add a neighbor who has come back from the dead.

Healing, forgiving, resilience, and second chances all form the refreshing new book, Equinox by Michael Geczi.

The book follows project manager Nancy Carruthers who never met a project she couldn’t manage. But then an August weekend rolls around, Nancy’s mother has a stroke, her MIA ex shows up at the door saying he wants to get to know their son after 12 years, and her neighbor, Carl, who died two years ago is back ready with inspiration, insights, and advice.

What would you do? Nancy isn’t the only one who can see and hear Carl, and it is a good thing too. The deceased octogenarian isn’t godlike by possessing otherworldly abilities or wisdom, but he has a lot of insight to help Nancy and her family weather the tumult of their situation. He’s a more astute Clarence to Nancy’s George Baliey. With a listening ear and practical advice for the character as well as the readers, the supernatural becomes ordinary but no less magical.

Although Geczi deals with the supernatural, captures an organic experience without taking a specifically religious direction. It’s a spiritual book about healing, forgiveness, growth, and self-love without the didacticism of a religious book.

Before you embark on this journey with this family to the other side of believing, you can learn more about the author, Michael Geczi.

Tell us a little bit about yourself. What inspires you as an author?

Actually, several things. One is the same answer I assume most authors would give: I love trying to create realistic characters and realistic challenges that reach out from the written word and touch and affect readers. As part of that, it’s really interesting to create a pace and cadence that I can viscerally feel and experience as I write. And, because I am a pantser and not a plotter, it’s great fun seeing where these characters end up taking me.

How did you come up with the idea for Equinox? Did you draw on any personal experiences when writing Equinox? Are there any specific scenes and/or characters that you draw from life?

Believe it or not, I developed the original idea for Equinox 35 years ago, when I was working from my home office. Each day, I watched my neighbor across the street, who was in his eighties, deal with the ravages of Parkinson’s Disease and the long, long days – and short nights – the disease brought to his life. I watched him daily try to pass the time and get from sunrise to sundown, working nonstop despite his disability.

At that time, I wrote what I thought were the first five chapters, creating Carl as a living character with PD, along with the other main characters who remain today. Nancy’s mother, Olivia, even had a stroke in the original draft. The Carl scenes in the street, his yard, and polishing his car were drawn from observing the real Carl across the street.

And then the five chapters sat in an old Zip drive until this past summer when I was able to extract about 50% of the text and transfer it to my laptop. Ironically, in the decades since I have witnessed PD and stroke first-hand in my family and have learned a great deal about both.

Nancy – and Maggie, for that matter – are strong women inspired by the strongest woman I know, my wife Lisa.

It is a unique choice to have one of the main characters be deceased when the book starts. How did you come up with the character of Carl? Is there any specific reason why he had to be deceased? Do you think having him be the neighbor with Parkinson’s would have had the same impact? Why or why not?

Carl did start off as the live neighbor with Parkinson’s Disease. However, as I began re-working the book in 2023, I found that Carl alive played a much smaller role in the story dynamics than I wanted. To me, his ability to influence and help the family was dependent upon their noticing him and learning from watching him rather than from interacting with him. I thought his ability to influence the family was greater with him being deceased. And I liked that he really wasn’t certain at first why or how he was back. I also liked that Nancy – who was never befuddled by anything – was desperately trying to figure out Carl’s “angle.”

In all honesty, I also thought the book was somewhat nonspecific from a genre standpoint, and making it lightly speculative would give it some greater “curb appeal.”

There are some scenes in this book that deal with some heavy topics. How did you approach writing them?

The characters led me. I knew what the last scene was going to be. And I had a sense of what I hoped Carl would be able to achieve by that time. The challenge was to determine how they all got there while being true to each of their individual character arcs as well as the overall story arc. It was also interesting to determine the order in which character arcs would get completed.

I felt these people – even Carl during his time back in the neighborhood — were real and had real issues to address and resolve. I developed personal feelings about each of them as they interacted, struggled, ached, and even laughed.

Looking to the future, do you have any other books planned?

Yes. Oddly enough, Equinox was an entirely different genre for me. My three books before Equinox were a nonfiction investment book and then two books about serial killers: The Deadly Samaritan and Killer Dead, Victim Alive. They are part of The Serial Killer Anthology, and I am working on a third book in that anthology series. Just for the record, the label is a bit misleading as the books are about the impact of serial killers on communities, people, culture, and behavior, and are not violent. In fact, Killer Dead, Victim Alive begins with the serial killer dead on page one.

To learn more about Michael Geczi, check out the links below!

Goodreads Profile: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/40413123.Michael_Geczi

Amazon Author Profile: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0C7MWF26L

Person Website: https://mikegeczi.com/